A Weeks Worth of Whens

I have been left all by my lonesome…for a week. Though reluctant to leave me behind, my girlfriend has traveled far and wide to be with her family this coming holiday. As I have obligations to work, I could not join her, nor my own family for this week, and thus I am left to my own devices. To fend for myself. Alone. In this darkest place where despair lurks, and the sadness of a million lifetimes creeps eerily toward me and..and..and…well…okay. It’s one week.

I can do this!

I remember those years twixt eighteen and twenty-eight when there was no hope. No future. Only suffering, and pain. A place where…the darkness consumed me. The demons provoked me. Where the mailman gave me dirty looks, and my meals of microwaved dinners were always missing the dessert…

But I survived. I made it…And I can do it again. I guess. If I have to. I just..don’t know if I can..take another day..without…If only I knew the answers…to these…questions echoing in my relentless mind, driving me to…madness. One Step Beyond! (I’ll draw you a tragically lovely picture if you get the obviously unrelated reference I’ve just made)

At some point…We have to live with ourselves. And accept it (a tall order for most). One of the best ways we can do such, is learning to laugh at ourselves. So for the week my dear love is gone…I present you with :

“You Know You Need A Woman When…”

A daily collection of the things…That I have come to realize I do. And what she will have to live with and consider…for many years to come. Whenever she leaves home without me. Today’s theme is…Laundry.

You Know You Need A Woman When…

  • Laundry day! Is acceptable as a calendar event, and equally as singular as a holiday.
  • Sorting clothes into “whites” and “darks” is punishable and frowned upon.
  • Clothing does not have a black and white definition of cleanliness. But many subtle shades of grey.
  • Smell, not sight, is the determining factor of the aforementioned.
  • Matching socks does not necessarily mean both socks belong to me.
  • All of my clothes can fit into an economy washing machine.
  • Garments will be discarded and disposed of at my discretion. I will notice if they are missing.
  • If my clothes can stand on their own. I have conditioned them that way, and they must be applauded.
  • If I must conduct Laundry Day! by myself, and the clothing is not only mine, but yours as well…I will not be held responsible for shrinkage, discoloration, stains, or stress from conforming to someone else’s body.
  • I will actually be responsible for all but one of the previous occurrences in the above entry.
  • Any mysterious stains, tears, or “marks” will not be questioned.
  • Folding clothing is an art form and encouraged. Wrinkles are not allowed nor welcome.

Check back tomorrow for another list of things that make me especially “special” (at least my momma loves me)!

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