I apologize for tonight’s post being so late. Largely due to the fact, that I had to stuff my face. Mind you, I did not do any of the cooking. Unless of course you count pre-heating an oven, which incidentally I am fairly certain I still failed to do correctly. In all fairness however, our oven has issues. Bad wiring or some such I’m sure. None the less, the pizza was still a success. Despite being premature by three or four minutes. And the fact that I didn’t actually put it together. Anyway…
Tonight’s “You Know You Need A Woman When” has to do with style. Fashion. Or whatever you need call it…
- You can never have enough t-shirts.
- T-shirts are not limited to the function of under-garments.
- Socks are worn inside of shoes. Hence, they needn’t match.
- It should be punishable by law to have socks with holes in them. They are not stylish nor functional anymore.
- People rarely look at my feet. Thus only a few pair are “needed”.
- Keeping in mind, if the shoes you wear day to day, double or triple in purpose, superfluous shoes may be discarded.
- Long sleeves are to be worn rolled back to the elbow.
- The purpose of long sleeved shirts were to bunch when worn with a jacket. This encouraged consumers to buy larger more expensive jackets (it’s a trap!).
- Pants follow the same guidelines as shoes.
- Pants were also made to be worn several days in a row to maximize comfort. By several days, I mean weeks (see previous post about laundry)
- Your belt should match your shoes. I’m not a heathen.
- Ties were originally invented in medieval times, and were devices of torture not fashion.
- The purpose of the tie, has not changed at any point since created.
- Collars on shirts are to be worn in the down position.
- Hats are encouraged, and are the only piece of clothing you cannot have too many of.
- If you have glasses. They should have lenses in them.
- If you wear glasses without lenses in them, you should stop.
- No one has glasses size envy. If you do. You probably are part of the previous group, and should behave accordingly.
- “Dressing down” is agreeable, and let’s face it, its whats underneath that matters.
- “Dressing up” should be directly proportionate to the situation and necessity. You cannot spell “fun” with the letters from “dress up”.
- Clothing should also be bought out of necessity.
- Purchasing clothing with holes already in them (see glasses without lenses).
- Jeans and a t-shirt has worked for me for at least fifteen years and I know nothing about fashion or style. And that’s okay.
- If your girlfriend tries to dress you. Let her. She might not know what looks good. But she likes the way it not looking good, looks on you.
- If your parents try to dress you…Chances are you’re not old enough to vote, and should let it happen. Free clothing is nice.
- If you can’t dress yourself, that’s fine too. Just remember, clothing should be optional…but isn’t.
I never have found fashion nor style to be important in a relationship. And as far as I’m concerned, my girlfriend always looks gorgeous. Always deserves to be admired, desired, appreciated, and reminded everyday.
I also fully accept the fact that she soon will be choosing my clothing, and if luck will have it, will be dressing me when I am old, feeble, and have as much fashion sense as I do now. And I am lucky that she accepts that I am a mess.