The Brush-off

“ I’d be happy to hang out again, I’m really not looking for a boyfriend. I’m pretty recently single and…am trying to embrace my independence.”

Gentleman. I would like you to consider the above statement while I surround this “situation” with evidence of malpractice. While I am no stranger to rejection, and have received on more occasions than I care mention, the “polite let down”, or as men have coined the ever irritating phrase “Friend-zoned”. There just seems to be an everlasting pool of “subtle” brushoffs, and so I say to you…Never trust a word. I try desperately to maintain a level of humility and strength, thinking “hey, it’s not the end of the world”. Another remark that not so subtly means, get a life. But, none the less, it isn’t, and what we truly should remember is that actions speak louder than words. Unless of course, one of the parties is is playing games. Which never happens…

If no one has told you and you haven’t figured it out yet; what is being nice and what is true, especially in regards to dating, are seldom the same. If you are on the receiving end of such an excuse as the one above, make sure to think before you act on it. What the woman in this case, should have said was something like the following, to best avoid confusion and unwanted attention :

“ I’d be happy to hang out again if I were interested, but I’m really not looking for someone like you, in a boyfriend. I’m recently single and enjoying the attention, but unless you’re what I’m looking for, I’m going to say it’s my independence I’m after, instead of the truth that I don’t want to be single, but I just don’t want to be not single with you. “

See the difference? I get the clear impression, that while we’re both single, the feeling just isn’t mutual between us. I’m not sure when it became popular to be nice instead of truthful, but I hate it. Not only does her response reek of insincerity, but as a guy, leaves little conclusive information in the following steps in the dating ritual.

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